Back to Technology

Lava Gauntlets

Lava Gauntlets are a lot like regular gauntlets except with more lava and are wrought of the purest badassery. They are wielded by only the most bitchinest/baddest Elite Guards that patrol the Crypt of the Immortal Space Bitches.

Each pair is crafted specifically for the Immortal Space Bitch that wears them. On the eve of their fourteenth birthday, each young Immortal Space Bitch is challenged to an anything-goes combination arm wrestle/swordfight with the Queen of the Immortal Space Bitches. Those that lose are immediately executed. Only the victors are allowed to join the ranks of the Elite Guard.

The wielder of a pair of Lava Gauntlets is surrounded in a purple aura of lost, tormented souls and radness. They gain the power to spew lava from their fingertips and become unnaturally good at marbles. Grimm Shado finally defeats the Queen of the Immortal Space Bitches by tearing off two of her arms and vaporizing her with a spray of molten-hot magma. Her face is melted off, and she dies, simultaneously by the absence of a head and by the massive orgasm she gets from the sheer awesomeness of it all.